


Damaged

by cupcakefingers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America: The First Avenger, Established Relationship, Homophobic Language, Love Letters, M/M, Nurses & Nursing, Period-Typical Homophobia, Soldiers, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 23:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21044636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcakefingers/pseuds/cupcakefingers
Summary: After being taken into the military, Bucky can't help himself and starts writing letters to his love back home despite the great risk.“Poor baby, you could have written in code, you know? No ‘loves’ and ‘sweeties’, couple o'boys saved themselves like that. Or were just good at hidin'.”





	Damaged

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is UPDATED, cause it needed a few adjustments in my opinion. Now I'm happy with it :)

_My lovely Stevie,_  
  
_I want to go home so much. I know you wanted to be here with me but I’m telling you, doll, I’d give everything to sit in our shitty place with you at my side and be safe and peaceful. You’d be drawing that building outside our window, the one you try to perfect so much. I’d be back from work and making us dinner. You know I love to cook for you, try to make you feel special. <strike>Then at </strike><strike>night</strike><strike>, we’d go </strike> Not gonna lie sweetheart, I think about you every time we go to sleep. It could be better in here… they sent us to Italy. It’s beautiful _ _here, babydoll, you have to see for your own eyes. I promise I’ll take you here when the war’s over. I know you’d tell me to take care of myself and I’ll try my best. For you._

_ Your Bucky_

_PS don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone_

***

  
“My Betty’s gonna cry herself ugly when she gets it.”

  
“You wanna her to cry ugly, Chapman?”

  
“Nah, she always cries so pretty for me, but only when I’m taking care of her!”

  
“You’re fucking weird, Chapman, I’ll give you that. Hey, Barnes, who you writing to? Your parents?”

  
“No, not parents...”

  
“Ohh, Barnes got himself a gal back home. What’s ‘er name?”

  
“Stevie.”

  
***

_  
My beautiful Stevie,_  
  
_I miss you so so so so so much! It’s boring in here, though I should probably be happy since no bullets are coming my way right now. Last night a couple of italian birds were in our camp, have no idea where they came from, gave the guys some fun. Don’t worry, I haven’t even talked to them, no need for that. Already told everyone I have my own dish waiting for me in Brooklyn. They did put on music though and I gotta tell you, never wanted to swing a wing with you more than then, even if you’re not the best rug cutter. _  
_We’re sitting on our arses now but not for long. Now it’s just reconnaissance and trying not to think about swallowing bullets. I’m sorry for not writing longer notes but you know I always had big sloppy writing. Hope you don’t hold it against me, doll._

_Your Bucky_

***

  
“Hey Barnes,” Chapman raised his voice, “whatcha doin’ there? Ya writing to that gal of yours?”

  
Bucky raised his eyes from the paper and gave him a tired smile out of courtesy.

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Name’s Stevie, right?” Poole said from his bed, tossing a small red ball from hand to hand, “You never talked about her.”

  
Bucky huffed, rolling his eyes, but still smiling. Poole continued with a sly grin, “Come on, she pretty?”

  
“Oh yeah she pretty, just look at him, all red in cheeks, she pretty alright,” Chapman laughed and with him Grayson and Rook, who were playing cards, but stopped to look at Barnes.

  
“Yeah, whaddya want me to say? H-” Bucky stopped himself and coughed. _She_. “She’s pretty. She’s cute. The cutest out there.”

  
_Don’t forget yourself or this will end real bad._

  
“How she look like?” Rook asked and Poole perked up.

  
“She a redhead?”

  
“Blonde.” Bucky put down his pencil and leaned back on the chair, bracing himself for the attack.

  
“Blonde how?” Rook asked, “Sunny blonde, rusty blonde, dark blonde, work with me, Barnes!”

  
Bucky looked at the ceiling and hummed quietly.

  
“Like wheat. In late summer. Pale skin with light freckles-” _She_. “-she hates ‘em, but I love ‘em. Got blue eyes, like-”

  
“Like the azure of the sky,” Chapman said overdramatically and everyone laughed.

  
“Hell no, they’re like… you know when rain clouds start gathering but you can still see the sky? Like it’s getting grey but still blue? That’s it, that’s the colour.”

  
“Long hair?” Grayson asks.

  
“Likes ‘em shorter,” he responds and giggles when Grayson winces.

  
“And her lips?” Chapman said with narrowed eyes.

  
Bucky and Rook groaned with irritation, while Poole threw his ball right beside Chapman, almost hitting him. The ball bounced from the ground back to his hand and he asked, “What does she do for a livin’?”

  
_She_. “She’s a painter, mostly work commissions, but she also did a couple of drawing for local papers.”

  
“So she got some clever fingers, huh?” Chapman said with a cocky smile and wiggling eyebrows. Everyone but Bucky barked out a laugh and Poole told Chapman to lay off.

  
***

_My dearest Stevie,_

_Yes, I will be coming up with a new word for you, for every letter, cause I’ll never run out of words to describe how much **I LOVE YOU**_ _Fortunately or unfortunately they kicked us into action and thank God they put me on a sniper rifle. I’m keeping my distance, talking through the radio and covering so I’m mostly safe. They say we’ll go back to the base next week. The war has just started for me and I got enough. Lost some men in the fire but not from my unit. The only thing that keeps me sane is thinking about you, sugarpie._

_Your Bucky_

***

  
Bucky really proved himself on the last day of fighting, saving the whole unit and earning himself a medal or at least that’s what his commanding officer told him. He was just writing about it to Steve, when Poole jogged inside their place, very agitated.

  
“They caught a few queers in 107th!”

  
Bucky froze. Grayson asked something, but Bucky couldn't hear him.

  
“Yeah, they checked the letters and who they were coming to. Turns out the military’s interested if you’re writing ‘my love’ to a pal.”

  
“Barnes!” Chapman came in with an inscrutable expression. “Officer Powell wants to see you.”

  
It felt like a bucket of cold water was poured on him and his muscles shivered. His head spun, stomach dropped so hard he thought he’d throw up. Everyone in the room looked at him. When he walked through the door, he couldn’t look any of the other men in the eyes. Chapman stayed with them.

  
Bucky could barely think, standing in front of his commanding officer and his secretary. His brain made out just some of the words, like ‘background check’, ‘morality issues’, ‘disappointed’ and ‘sodomite’. His lunch came up his gullet at the last word, so he swallowed it down.

  
“Unfortunately, Sergeant Barnes, I think we have no other choice than to pack you up with other… others like you. My secretary will discuss the details with you.”

  
Bucky’s face hasn’t moved an inch but he felt his eyes sting, his vision get blurry. Then a warm trail going down his cheek, tickling the corner of his mouth. When he licked his lips, he tasted salt.

  
“Sir, if it pleases you, sir, I will gladly follow that order, however-” He looked at a short brunette standing by Powell’s side. She had a stern look on her face and little to no make-up. Her long dark hair were tied up in a neat bun. “-the recipient of these letters was Steven Grant Rogers.” The officer looked surprised and then... puzzled. “And considering the peculiar relationship between Captain Rogers-” _Captain?_ “-and Sergeant Barnes, it might be for the best if you, sir, would make an exception, sir. Especially since Captain Rogers will be visiting our unit next month.”

  
_Steve… will be here?_

  
Officer Powell inhaled heavily after a beat and started, “Sharon, I understand what you’re saying but I simply cannot overlook this situation. We already have a group to take out. Sergeant Chapman already knows. Yesterday I promised Barnes a medal for his outstanding achievement and we… cannot treat him like other soldiers. Not after this.”

  
Bucky will do anything, everything to stay here if it means he’ll see Steve. Just next month. He turned his eyes back to the secretary, who spoke. Her muscles seemed stiff.

  
“Then let’s not. Sergeant Barnes is a great asset to our unit and in my opinion, his participation is essential for us, sir. However, sir, since Sergeant Barnes’ likings are detrimental to the status of the military heroes of America, then let’s simply not award him.”

  
Fuck this medal. He’ll see Steve.

  
Powell hummed and tapped his fingers on the wooden desk.

  
“Alright. Let’s do that. Sergeant, you will remain in this unit as a part of 107th, but at the same time, you will not be rewarded with any honours, no matter your achievements. After your service date ends, you’ll return to America and will be given a 4-F classification. Dismiss.”

  
Bucky doesn’t remember walking back to their room. Doesn’t remember Chapman saying, “Turns out _Stevie_’s full name’s not ‘Stephanie Rogers’, it’s ‘_Steven_ Rogers’, huh?”

  
He doesn’t remember being pushed and punching Chapman straight in his nose, blood spilling everywhere. Doesn’t remember other soldiers -_his friends_\- throwing themselves at him, breaking his jaw, dumbing him with an ear punch, hitting his eye socket so hard his vision gets funky. He doesn’t remember falling to the ground and getting kicked by four pairs of combat boots. His spleen hurting, a kick to the kidneys so bad he pisses himself from pain. And the last kick to his lungs, when his scream died and was changed into frantic gasps. Doesn’t remember passing out from pain and the lack of air.

  
He remembers only one thing: _“Captain Rogers will be visiting our unit next month”_.

  
Bucky regained his consciousness in the evening, on a hospital bed in the infirmary. There’s a nurse by his side, picking up plasma and dried blood from his eye with a gauze. She pushed at his skin too hard and Bucky groaned.

  
“Ah know, sugah, Ah know,” she said quietly, in a soft voice.

  
She had a very strong southern accent but it made him feel safe. His left eye was fucked- when he tried to open it, it hurt like hell and he could only see lights and shadows. The whole place smelled like iodine and rubbing alcohol.

  
“Don’t open this one, it’s best if you keep it closed as long as possible. Ah gave you some drops and we think you’ll still see but, please, do what Ah say.”

  
“Okay,” he responded hoarsely, his throat so dry it’s itching.

  
“Here, sugah, lemme give you some water.”

  
Bucky drank and tried opening his other eye, which seemed to be working fine. He recognized the nurse, thought her name’s Connie.

  
“Ah heard about what happened. The whole story.” A curl of red hair fell on her face, so she fixed it behind her ear.

  
“You did?”

  
“The whole unit’s heard, sugah,” Connie sighed, “You should be thankful though.”

  
“Huh?”

  
“To Sharon Carter, Powells’ secretary. Other boys, who got caught like you, got beaten up and sent on a truck to France. We think they’re going to sail them to the states. Sharon saved you because her sister’s friends with Captain Rogers.” She started checking his bandages, looking for signs of blood. Her voice changed into a whisper. “Poor baby, you could have written in code, you know? No ‘loves’ and ‘sweeties’, couple o'boys saved themselves like that. Or were just good at hidin'.”

  
Bucky’s head hurt. “Are you-? Ouch... with the secretary?”

  
“What, me and Sharon? Nonsense.” She pulled at the bandage without a reason and he groaned. “_She's just a really good pal o'mine._”

***

  
Chapman was pissed when he heard Barnes was allowed to stay. He was pissed when Barnes got back from the nurses, barely alive. He was pissed when Barnes saved his ass in Azzano. He felt satisfaction when he saw the Germans dragging Barnes away to some doctor, then he felt bad for feeling that way. He was happy when Bucky’s friend saved all of them and then pissed when he learned that friend’s name was Steven Rogers.

  
He looked at Barnes when they got back to the rest of the 107th and how Barnes looked at Rogers. Captain America. After cheering, he saw Bucky leaning to whisper something to Rogers. He tried to read his lips and thought it was, “I want to kiss you”. Then he saw Captain Rogers smile, squeeze Barnes’ arm and lead him to his tent. He immediately went to Officer Powell.

  
“You must be seeing things, Chapman, from all that captivity,” Powell huffed but his eyes went to Captain Rogers’ tent.

  
“But-”

  
“Watch what you’re about to say, Sergeant,” Powell hissed, lowering his voice, “You might accidentally insult a national symbol and that won’t be good for your future here. Everyone knows Captain America’s not a fairy.”

**Author's Note:**

> This Sharon is half-OC and half-based on her _original_-original version from comics


End file.
